[soundscape] imperfect

photo: ‘condemn’

song: leonard cohen – “sisters of mercy” [stream only] (buy)

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‘it began as a mistake.’ – bukowski

it began as a mistake. i was driving down the street and there was this perfect, little woman. she had old, kind eyes. she looked weathered but peaceful. i had only a second to take the picture and i wasn’t able to capture her face. i looked at the image on my camera and was disappointed, the photo disregarded. it wasn’t until much later when scrolling through uploaded photos on my computer that i saw her the second time.

and i loved her.

i loved the blurred arm, the deep saturation of the stripes on her shirt, the way her cropped hair so perfectly hugged her ears. somehow, the fact that this is not a perfect photo makes it so personal to me. it cannot stand on its own. it has no merits. it belongs only to me.

perhaps i’m the only one who feels a distinct sting of loneliness when i look at this photo. perhaps i’m the only one who feels saddened, but somehow graceful. strong. that time will give and take and give and take and give and take, and there is such a beauty in accepting that. and there is such beauty in accepting all the imperfections in your life and realizing just how perfect they are. all of the knick-knacks and flotsam and miscellanea that you’ve collected accidentally – walking along on the sidewalks of your life – and now you look back and realize just how important those haphazard trinkets are. the times you stood by yourself, afraid. the times you drank too much. the times you cried yourself to sleep. the cold mornings with hot tea.

every bad decision.

they all belong to you. they are all yours. and, yes, you will likely be the only one who ever loves them. so love them.

photo by bari sowa | more

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