[Hype Hype Hooray] Because I CARE about your Halloween playlists

Every [two weeks?] Jamie Hale takes a long, hard look at the music industry and the blog scene that feeds it. Here, he releases those findings and makes snarky, sarcastic remarks. Admittedly, both Jamie and Knox Road are a part of this scene. So sue us.

Normally this column would be used to talk snark on the music industry and blog scene. However, since this first one is being posted just two days before Halloween, I feel it necessary to forget all about what HHH is supposed to be and just talk Halloween Playlists.

You’ve made them before. Don’t pretend you haven’t. Your mom made them when you and your little friends had a Halloween Party back in ’93. Your creepy uncle made one to play as background music when he answered the door Halloween night dressed a little too realistically as the Crypt Keeper (thin, acrid-smelling wafts of dry ice smoke poured onto the front stoop bothering the asthma-ridden children). And when you throw your own Halloween party this year, full of fun-size candy and blood-colored shooters, you’ll want a playlist that will both be appropriately-themed and impress your hipster friends. So here are some fantastic tips for the perfect Halloween playlist:*

Choose “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” over “Werewolves of London”
We’ve all heard “Werewolves of London” a thousand times and you know what? It’s not THAT good of a song anymore. Warren Zevon, I love you, but your time is up. There’s a new werewolf song in town and it comes with a delightful twist of Judaism. Plus it’s not too overdone and anyone who’s anyone will love it. And anyone who ISN’T anyone won’t even know there’s a full-length version! (Bonus points to the party guest dressed in werewolf fur and a yarmulke).

“Do They Know It’s Halowe’en?” is still cool
I know it came out five years ago, but the Canadian indie star-studded “Do They Know It’s Hallowe’en?” is still nowhere near Halloween Classic status and your non-indie friends (and maybe even some of your indie friends) won’t know it. Besides, it’s legitimately spooky-sounding and also legitimately good. The asshole that harshes on you for it will probably be the same asshole dressed as a Toro Y Moi anyway.

“The Boogie Monster” is ok. “The Monster’s Loose” is not
Shoehorning non-Halloween songs with spooky titles is ok, within reason. And you can even find a few tracks by just searching your iTunes for words like “Kill,” “Monster” or “Blood.” But folks, don’t get cocky. Just because nobody’s heard of “The Monster’s Loose” by Polaris doesn’t mean they won’t notice it’s not appropriate for Halloween. But Gnarls Barkley’s “The Boogie Monster,” for example, works very well because it’s actually kind of creepy and features deep throated evil laughing. Just use your own discretion. Let’s not end up with “You Are The Blood” and “In For The Kill.”

“Monster Mash” is mandatory
Don’t be that guy that’s too cool for “Monster Mash.” Nobody’s too cool for “Monster Mash.” It’s one of the only legitimate Halloween songs out there (don’t even try to tell me “Thriller” is a Halloween song, that shit was released in November) and it’s a timeless classic. So to deny it a place on your too-cool-for-school playlist is just a dick move. Nobody will make fun of you for it, everybody will love the novelty and you’ll be the hero of halloween. DON’T YOU WANT TO BE THE HERO OF HALLOWEEN?? What else do you have to put in its place? “Devil With The Blue Dress On?” Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were making a playlist for MY MOM’S Halloween party (ZING).

*I don’t claim to make perfect Halloween playlists even though I claim to give tips to help make a perfect Halloween playlist. These things are notoriously tricky and people will most likely be too drunk to pay attention to the shit you put on. But you know. Credibility, principle, etc. Plus it’s just fun. JUST DO IT FOR THE FUN.