Breaking news: Michael Jackson’s hair catches fire 25 years ago

Apparently those pesky journalists or whoever down at Who Gives a Shit, Inc. found some unreleased footage of Michael Jackson cooking his hair on the set of a Pepsi ad he was shooting in 1984. The pyrotechnics shot off too early in the take, and one dazzling flash of light later he was on fire or whatever.

People are saying this incident may have sparked Jackson’s painkiller abuse. I, being people, might agree, but honestly, it’s time for everyone to shut up about it. It’s over, and I’m ready for the media circus to close down. My dad’s theory of Jackson rising out of his coffin at the Staples Center memorial and announcing a world tour and Thriller 2 did not come to fruition (but how cool would that be?). So let’s let it go. Massive celebrity as he was, he’s gone now. Let him rest in peace.

Here’s the infamous video. Watch that while I go shower. I reek of hypocrisy. Also, the music in the video (it’s not Jackson’s) is making my body have an allergic reaction to its own testosterone, so you should probably mute it to save yourself.

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